I often practice giving talks and presentations in my head.
Not only do I practice what I am going to say but I image everything else. I see the room and the audience. After I work through something once or twice I start to image things going wrong.
I image the microphone or overhead projection not working. I image hecklers, crying babies, and fire alarms being pulled. I do this to make myself more comfortable. When something goes wrong, I have often practiced it in my head. I am not caught off guard and have a better chance of handling whatever happens with a little more grace.
I also practice questions from the audience.
If I am able to predict what they are going to ask, I can do a better job of presenting by answering those questions before they even get asked. If someone finds something I am saying unclear (or if they disagree) they are more likely to check out from what I am saying. If I can diffuse confusion and/or concern, I have a better chance of having a receptive audience.
Recently I have been practicing talking to a group of parents. Not that I am going to be doing this anytime soon, but if something comes up I will be prepared.
For some reason, regardless of the topic I am presenting on, I keep getting questions along the lines of:
“What can I do to get my child to like church?”
or
“My child fights me every time we go to church. Suggestions?”
or
“My child says church is boring. What should I do?”
In my practice, my response has been along the lines of asking the questioner a series of questions.
Why should you child go to church?
Are you sharing with them why it is import to go, or are you just telling them?
Have you explained to them why you go to church?
Have you shared why your faith life is important to you?
Have you asked them to explain why they don’t want to go?
It all comes down to a question that is not new.
“How do we present a life of faith to young people in which they choose to take it on as their own?”
We can force them to show up, but we can’t force them to believe. We can’t force them to make it an active part of their life.
We might be able to control their time, but we can’t control their hearts.
I would assume our hope when we share the possibility of an active faith life is so that we are equipping them to live full rich lives, not simple be rule followers.
In order to do this, it seem to me, our job is to show them, in tangible ways, that there is benefit in struggling with these questions, so that when they make choices (something we can’t do for them) it is the most informed choice possible as they create themselves. (That is what we do when we make choices, we create who we are in this world.)
To do this, sometimes we feel we need to make a big show of it. They are consumers and faith life is this product we have to sell. If we don’t make it supper attractive they won’t buy/accept.
We often water down, over state or over sell. In doing this, it really does look like a sales pitch. Young people see it as a sale, and not an articulation of something that brings us life.
If reality, if this Truth we are sharing is really as grate as we believe it to be, then that should be self-evident. It shouldn’t need to be all shined up.
It seems to be a matter of sharing something we feel is real at a place that it makes sense to those we are sharing it with. We have to speak to a place in their life where this Truth shines light. It is not something we are trying to convince them of, but that they will have a fuller life with a different choice.
But in order to do this, me must understand where those we are sharing with are coming form and why they are making the choice they are making.
One-way this might play out (just an idea, not then end all be all approach)…
Let’s take chastity education for example. We have learned over the years that: telling folks not to do it because it wrong doesn’t work, telling they are going to hell doesn’t work, and trying to scare them (with disease and pregnancy) doesn’t work.
If we understand where they are coming from we see some of the reasons why do people (not just young people) get involved physically/sexually:
* It feels good (at least for a few minutes)
* They are trading the experience for affections. If I do this for him/her I will get attention and love. If they are with me, they must love me, and I must have worth.
* Peer pressure. Everyone else is doing it, and I won’t be accepted if I don’t. They will make fun of me for not having do it.
* Boredom
* To deaden some other feeling of pain. For these few minutes of pleasure I can forget about how crappy the rest of my life is.
No matter how eloquently (or entertainingly) you share the sacramental nature intercourse in the context of a loving marriage (in most cases) it is not going to speak to the reason someone might make the choices they are making.
I guess it seems that before we can present an alternative to someone else, we need to understand where they are coming from and why they are making the choices they are making.
It is only in context can we offer them an alternative.
It is not a matter of convincing someone of something. I don’t think it is possible to change someone mind. Only they can do that.
If there is Truth out there, it will ring true when it is heard. But just because it is spoken it doesn’t mean it is going to be heard.
Is it an easy thing to help someone to understand they that are intrinsically good and loved, that they don’t have to do something for others (or God) to earn value? No. But if this feeling of needing to be loved is their highest need at the moment, then they are going to make the choices they think that will bring them this feeling. Nothing else really matters.
For me, I guess all of this is a challenge. It is a challenge to move away from what I think I need to share, and a move to what is their most desperate need.
This is not just a matter of course for those we share with, but also for ourselves. It is only when I understand where I am filling the places that are empty in my soul and life with the unsubstantial, that I can seek the substantial.

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