I am home and already on the road again.
Much writing is coming from the trip. I have a file filled with stories and reflections to share. Just need a little cleaning up at this point. Also, there is so much I am going to unspool them a little at time.
Right now I am very disoriented. I have gotten e-mails and texts from much of the group and they are in the same place.
While walking through the Memphis airport tonight it felt like the day after a rock show in which I have forgotten my earplugs. I can hear want is going on but it is all muted. It is as if I am inside my own head, and am not fully tuned in to what is going on around me.
I can remember after living in my car for about a year, I was back in DC having dinner with a friend. I was just starting to process the transformation I was going through on the road. As we talked I had very little energy for what she was saying, but when I started talking about what was going on in my head, I came alive.
She was offended and called me on it. At the time I thought I was just a big selfish oaf (which I am sure was true on some level). In retrospect I realize that I simply had so much new information I was all that I could see (which the definition of selfish).
I did it again last night. A friend about 4pm needing a kind ear and support because of what had unfolded over the afternoon. I physically showed up, but did her a great disservice in my presents. I was fully stuck in my head (and the nap I hadn’t woken up from).
Again, selfish. Should have done better.
It is this amazing place to be. In ones head. When you don’t know which way is up.
It is not that I now have this new set of priorities, now that I have seen how some live I am now a completely new creation and it is time to act.
Instead, I don’t know what I am. As I return home, I know some of the things I through were really important, in this moment seem less important. But that doesn’t mean I know what is important. It doesn’t mean I know who I am.
It seem I simply know I am disoriented.
Like a river bed that has been stirred up. The water is murky. I can’t see much.
In time the water will settle.
I wonder who I will be and where I will be standing when that does.

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